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Hi Barbara, The softest sounding pick, on the thin side, is the Jim Dunlop Nylon, .60. The sound of thin picks (to my ears) include a lot of sound from the slap of the pick on the string. Your discovery of playing softly is part of this equation. Thin picks give up tone as you demand volume or maybe not give up tone but you hear the sound of the pick contacting the string more and more as volume is increased. A thin pick delivers amazing tone but at low volume.
Are you holding your pick between thumb and index? There is a little trick in here that is slight of hand (takes forever to learn but when your get it,…magic) the place my index finger touches the pick has gotten smaller and smaller over time. As my precision increased the amount of contact between my index decreased. The point is….try playing as lightly as you possibly can…barely any sound…the hidden volume button is precision not force. Check it out and lemme know what you find. The best pick I found to get the hang of thicker picks was Dunlop Ultex 2.0. I love the thick Blue Chips picks but price of admission makes the risk reward ratio unfavorable. The risk is I loose and 80.00 pick vs. the reward: a cool sound and feel. Nothing like the sound of Santa Cruz strings and a Blue Chip Pick but I have bought whole guitars for less. : )