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I hear ya. I still have trouble stretching the fingers. You mentioned your fingers basically having a mind of their own. I remember that frustration with the fingers refusing to work independently there’s two sets of fingers I think that are attached by tendon so that’s why it seems like they always move when the others do I think it’s the ring in the pinky and the index in the middle but I’m not sure
@Skyman911 brings up some good points. You don’t want an injury from trying to stretch too far take it for me it’s not worth it hi was playing a song a couple years ago and a required a lot of stretching for one cord and I kept practicing and stretching and I ended up getting tendinitis and tennis elbow and so my hand and arm were and so much pain from the tendons there’s nothing you can do by massage or you know anything it takes rest. Time away from the guitar. Possibly physical therapy. I received injections in my elbow, and I want to acupuncturist for several months. Don’t play through pain or injury.
Using a capo so that you practice on a higher fright is a great suggestion put the cap on three or five and the frets are a lot closer so it’s not as much stretch on your fingers.
There is a finger exercise that I did at the suggestion of my guitar teacher at the time. Start with your index finger on the eighth fret. It will be stationary ther fore th3 entire exercise. With your middle finger, place it on the 9th fret, then lift it and place it on the 10th fret, then return it to the 8th. Lift it and place it on the 11th fret (don’t overly force it. It is okay to use a little effort to stretch to it, but never force it. If you are able to stretch 3 frets out, then go back to the 8th and try going to the 12th.
You will then use your ring finger and repeat the exercise. Then the pinky. If you do it daily, I think you’ll see great improvement in thestretch, as well as improvement in the independence of your fingers. It’s retraining your brain, tendons, muscles, and tendons need to stretch, or they atrophy. It really does work, I suggested for anyone.