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Anxiety when playing in front of others
Hi, everyone. I’m Jen from Texas. I’ve been playing for just over a year now.I look forward to playing when I get home from work, it brings me peace and joy. I think I’ve come a long way since my first day with a guitar on my lap—back when I didn’t know a single chord… I’m a total newbie at 51 years old, and I know I’ll never be a great musician. I just play because I love music. I just want to get good enough to sound like I know kind of what I’m doing. 🙂 And my goal is to one day play at church or with friends on the back porch.
Some days my playing is so fluid and smooth, and I feel like a rock star! Then there are days when songs I’ve known for an entire year will not come to my fingers, no matter how much I warm up… they act like they’ve ever touched a fretboard or plucked a guitar string! I would like to think those are days when I’m just tired and my dexterity is just not very good because I’ve been clicking a computer mouse all day. But I don’t know. I have a few veteran guitar friends who say it’s normal and I’ll get better with practice. My boss, who has been playing since he was 7 years old, says he has days when his playing is just off and days when he’s in a groove. He says when he has these “off days” there’s nothing he can do to work it out or warm up… his playing is just not as good. Does that happen to anyone else?
I started playing guitar to entertain my Nana, who is bed ridden. She’s 91 and really enjoys the hymns that she used to sing in church. I learn a new song for her every month. I just add to the list of songs I learn each time I visit and play through them for her. My Nana can’t hear very well, and sometimes I have to sit very close with the sound hole near her pillow. I mess up a lot and have to start over. She told me on one of my visits, never to tell her when I make a mistake. She said no one would notice if I don’t tell them, lol :D. I don’t know about that.
I think my biggest struggle right now is performance anxiety. Even though she can’t hear and she told me not to tell anyone when I mess up, I still get nervous when playing for her or anyone else. And it isn’t because I’m not used to playing in front of others. I practice in front of my family in the evenings. And I practice sometimes on my lunch breaks at work with a couple of co-workers in the room. Sometimes my nerves cause me to mess up songs that I’ve known how to play for a year. And sometimes I can play like an ace. I never know when this is going to happen to me… I think that’s the source of my anxiety. I hope I grow out of it. Does it happen to any of you?
I’m really enjoying Tony’s course. I’ve tried a few others, and Tony is the best!
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This discussion was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by
JenRho.
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This discussion was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by
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16 Replies
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Congratulations on your growth in just a year of playing! That is quite remarkable. I’m at about 20 months and haven’t mastered any full songs, can’t maintain smooth playing for more than a fraction of a minute in the best of circumstances.
Performance anxiety happens to most people. Only a small percentage of mankind doesn’t have this experience. Many have overcome the fear, but still say they have to do it over and over, night after night.
My playing degrades about 30% just by turning the camera on, which is very foolish since nobody will see the video unless I want them to.
Jim Morrison (The Doors) was so nervous when they started performing he would not face the audience. Donald Fagen (Steely Dan) was so averse to performing that they didn’t tour for many years and became primarily a studio band, cherry-picking the best session musicians in the world to contribute to his work.
I’ve been trying to overcome my anxiety by just bringing out the guitar and noodling while sitting next to my wife on the couch and it does seem to have gotten slightly better. Lastly I want to say that you at barely 50 years if age, are young! I started at 64 but I still plan to get proficient enough to perform at church and around the campfire.
https://hellomusictheory.com/learn/famous-musicians-with-stage-fright/
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15 Famous Musicians Who Suffered From Stage Fright
In this article, we’ll share with you the stories of 15 famous musicians with stage fright, and how they handle their predicament!
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I’ve been playing for a few years now and still haven’t gotten up the nerve to play in front of anyone, including my wife. I have terrible anxiety about it. I’d rather go to the dentist. I apologize to any dentists out there. I just had an opportunity to play for some friends the other night, and I declined. They had the guitar out for me and everything. I’ve been kicking myself for once again not participating, but I think I’ve kicked myself enough now that I’m ready to try next time.
As for the issue with playing better some days than others, I think we all have that issue. I know I sure do.
Having said all of this, I still very much enjoy playing guitar by myself in my den. I am however, ready for the next step.
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You’ll get there, show up regularly and just don’t give up! In the beginning I immediately put the guitar down when I heard someone approaching. But now I’ve picked it up in front of family members a number of times and I still couldn’t play a lick but was feeling more at ease. I’m hoping my son in law can work with me a bit. He showed me a few things last week that were really helpful and I started practicing them with him in the room. He’s just a really busy dude, music director and pastor at our church with 3 small children.
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Hey Jen, I can feel for you. Most of what you are experiencing is normal. I find that my playing ability diminishes based on the day I’ve had. On those days that I’m just not in the groove, I just keep playing, and try to accept it knowing the next day may be better.
It’s funny, I always say that I just play for me, and I don’t really care what others think. However if that was really the case, I wouldn’t be afraid to play in front of others. I’m anxious like you. So, there must be something deeper, like feeling like I need to be good enough to play for others, and can’t make mistakes. I think that your Nana is right, and no one really notices the mistakes, muted string, missed notes, etc.. And I really think no one cares. So, why am I still afraid to play in front of others? Hell, I’m still afraid to post a video here! I still try though, and sometimes will play in front of family or friends. I usually set them up, letting them know that I am nervous playing in front of others, and what they get, is what they’re going to get. For me personally, I need to find others to play with. I think that could be a big step in improving my confidence.
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I found a local guitar jam group on Meetup and have been attending it for the past year. We are playing together, it is basically guitar karaoke, but it has definitely made me less anxious about playing in front of others. I do still have the issue that when I’m recording myself I can’t play a note. Very strange.
Perhaps seek out some other guitar players to p,ay with and see if that helps.
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@Moose408 isn’t it the darnedest thing? It must go back to the childhood memories. I recall in the 60’s we had a reel to reel recorder and when I first taped myself speaking it sounded weird and I felt self conscious about recording myself ever since. It doesn’t matter what medium we evolved to, be it cassette, VHS or digital recording, they have always made me nervous!
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I started a band in College and kind of hid behind the other members of the band but slowly got used to performing in front of people. That helped but I still get stage fright when performing alone until about the 2nd or 3rd song. So I play something simple when I start out, basically just a strumming song and maybe a little harmonica. then build up and out from there. If playing with other people I stretch out much faster as it is easier for some reason. In groups no one else is blowing harp, I love the harp, so I have much less inhabitation in opening up and just blowing.
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One more thing. If i know I am going to pick in front of people I do warm up for a long time. i probably wear out my opening song just practicing. It helps my nerves.
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Hey Jen from Texas – I can related to everything you are saying. I’ve been playing about 5.5 years now (after a 34 year layoff – was not any good back then). Some days my fingers flow seamlessly and others not so much. No idea why.
I still get very nervous if I am playing in front of someone and a song I normally nail goes haywire or I suddenly can’t remember some of it (which shocks me).
About 2 years ago, I hooked up with a local Acoustic Guitar meetup group that gets together every 2 weeks. For the first year, I was totally intimidated as many of them had been playing since teen years and were very good. The group was and still is very welcoming, so that helped. Finally, I just relaxed when I realized that no one there gave a crap how good you were – it was all about getting together, playing and having some fun (Oh, I should mention that you are expected to sing as well). At the end of the day this really helped me with playing in front of others.
When it is nice out, I play on the front porch. At first when folks walked by, I would lay low and stop playing. Now, I welcome when folks walk by as it helps build my confidence. Many times, I don’t even notice when someone walks by now.
Anyhow, keep at it and it well get better for you.
Enjoy,
Chuck
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Thanks for your replies, everyone! It really helps to know I’m not the only one who experiences these things. I appreciate all the advice. It is very helpful.
If I can offer some encouragement to a few of the more nervous types here, practice where people can hear you. Start off in another room with the door open, and week by week, move to a closer room until you’re in the same room with them (or on the porch like ChuckS) 🙂 . It has helped a lot to practice in front of my husband, son, and dogs. They never make any comments, positive or negative, which you’d think is discouraging…but it’s really not. I get the occasional smile and a nod from my human family members, but that’s it. My Jack Russell terrier is my “guitar dog” and any time I start to play, he comes over and sits at my feet. When he does, I ask him if I’m playing his song. 🙂 I think having a neutral audience is helping me focus and slowwwwwwly build confidence. Also, I agree with the person above who posted about practicing while watching TV. I do that too! It helps to disengage your brain from your fingers. I find that my brain sometimes gets in the way. I start thinking “what comes next?” instead of trusting my muscle memory. The TV helps to distract my analytical brain.
Thanks again for all the advice, everyone. Maybe I’ll gain the confidence to post a video, too one day. I’m in the same boat with the person who said as soon as they hit record they get nervous and mess up. What is up with that? So weird.
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@JenRho congratulations for continuing along your guitar journey – many people dont make that first step and instead surrender to the voices of doubt and frustration. They set the guitar down, never to be picked up again. I would ask you to revisit one of your early statements and from there many other items will fall in place.
“I know I’ll never be a great musician” hmm – think about that for a minute. What is a “great musician”? A virtuoso ? Many virtuosos are not that successful monetarily. One who has gold records or fills a stadium of ticket paying fans ? Many “stars” are not great musical technicians. I will tell you my definition. It is someone who decides later in life to try something new, then sits by the bedside of her Nana and plays music to bring her joy. There you have one of the greatest musicians of all time.
It flows from intent. If your intent is to bring yourself and others joy through music then everything that flows from that is pure, and good enough. Every wrong note, every forgotten chord. I can tell you when I got to the point of playing live paying gigs I realized people actually dont mind the occasional mistake that is obvious (as you stated, most mistakes are not even noticed). I have learned to own them, joke about them, because those listening all of a sudden feel like the they are apart of something real, organic, happening right then, right now and it draws them in closer to the creative process.
The nerves will always be there a bit. Just remember nerves come from a place of wanting to give to others your very best, and what every comes through your performance will be good enough.
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Beautiful comment!! ❤
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Terry— Just saw this thread (fantastic thread, BTW!)…… and your post here. Really great stuff. All the “symptoms” mentioned thru the responses; I feel like they’re all written about me/ I have them all. I can play thru a song nearly mistake-free, multiple times….. hit the record button?….. yikes…… off the rails. I’ve deleted hundreds of video-attempts that have a swear-word or three at the very end- (right as I hit the “stop” button). Sometimes I watch them….. just to see where things fall apart- (sometimes I chuckle).
I also have the huge wall in front of me about playing in front of others. An old local-band-friend once told me that it is WAY easier to play in front of a small-crowd (of people just sittin’-around chatting/drinking/whatever)— OR— say, in an open-mic setup away from where you live– (so that nobody knows you)– than it is to just sit in front of, say, your wife or close friends. I guess I can see that.
BTW– Hope your recovery is movin’ right along!
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It’s always a great thread when you drop in Coach! I do that game to when I’m recording myself, start over and over and try to get a least 10 bars in before a major flub happens! lol! It’s really silly because the recording is mainly for me to measure against me. The more I eliminate errors the higher the standard becomes, what’s the point? Knowing this, I do it anyway and I’m reluctant to record in the first place. DOH!!!
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thanks ! recovery is proceeding along, slow but surely. I can finally get my arm around the guitar but only for about 10 minutes before it starts to hurt too much. I am hoping that time span will increase over the next couple of months
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I never have my songs memorized at the time I record them…. they’re too “new”. So I have to be able to see the TAB version as I record it- (if for no other reason…. just as a security blanket). I’ve tried a few things such as placing the material in the same general “direction-of-view” as the camera, and also the neck of my guitar- that way I don’t have to turn my head, looking back and forth between things…. (believe it or not, it works for me…). And then, I have to hit the “record” button on my laptop- (also– in time with my headphones-only metronome going-on). There’s just a lot of things happening in a short time– (at the start especially). So not only are my eyes goin’ all over the place/ so are my hands….
Maybe it’ll all get better with more experience. I just gotta chuckle about it – (and also swear a bit at times). Gotta love it when you flub-up the last line or bar in an otherwise, pretty-good recording.
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