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Hey Jim,
You are definitely not alone when it comes to barre chords, and one day it’ll ring clear, and you’ll do a celebration dance. When that happens, visually denote where your hands, wrist, fingers are. It will get easier and easier after that.
Thank you for the video. It really helps us see what you might be struggling with. I noticed, you’re not really barring the string. Your finger is more arched with a gap like you’re trying to just play the low E, instead of flat against the strings. I agree with @Philb that you should rotate the barre finger so that it rolls more on the outside of the finger, and try to flatten the hand so that the finger is laying more across all the strings.
I suggest lifting the neck, similar to how a classical guitarist holds the neck; then roll your arm and wrist forward, really curving your fretted fingers (to avoid muted strings that need to be played with the barre finger, and then angle and roll out the barre finger.
If the low E (6th string) is part of the chord, then extend the barre finger higher up and press firmly. It adds more pressure to all the strings. The more difficult is when the low E isn’t part of the chord. You don’t want to play it. Your best bet is to either mute it with one of the fretted fingers pressing upward (then you can barre past it, without worrying about playing the low E), or mute it with your barre finger touching it from below (not fretting it, but impeding it from playing). I’m not blessed with the longest fingers, so what works for me is that I curve my barre finger to the outer side (looks like a backwards C) quite a bit to get the right pressure/tension with barre chords. It’s not very pretty I think it helps me is making sure that I’m curving my fingers enough so I’m not muting other strings and then I’m pushing out a little bit to put pressure on the fretting finger.