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Picking myself back up
In our last 90 Day review party I had publicly shared via the chat that I was hoping to play a full song end-to-end while singing for my nieces and nephews on a trip home to see my family. I was going to play a kid’s song Down By The Bay.
I was practicing often but I consistently tripped up my chord changes and rhythm. My right hand and left hand still aren’t speaking well together. Needless to say, I wasn’t able to achieve my goal in time for my trip. I noodled on the guitar a bit, but couldn’t get my song to work.
I’ve stumbled over goals before but those moments didn’t really slow me down (I’ve never been comfortable playing or learning music so just picking up the guitar was a huge win). This goal hit my pride I guess because I got stuck in “Should Have” thinking. “I should have been able to learn a song by now.” “I should have more skills when it comes to strumming, chord changes, and the basics by now.” and comparison thinking “other folks play songs after only two weeks holding a guitar and I can’t play one in nearly a year.”
I noticed my thinking pattern stuck so I decided to take a few weeks off of TAC so that I could get back to simply picking up the guitar as my only goal. I worked through some existing chord changes and songs I’ve been working on without the expectation of increasing speed or putting the pieces together end-to-end. I also signed up for singing lessons (huge win because singing is a nightmare for me). There was one night I simply practiced a single fingerstyle pattern on repeat while watching TV (I’ve never done that before).
It seems to have helped break the “Should” cycle. I’m excited to dust myself off just in time for the next 90 Day party. I’m planning on some goals that don’t put as much pressure on myself (playing in front of family while singing was likely a bit much) and also just re-focusing on being grateful that I’m still picking up my guitar.
If any of you have been stuck what are your go-to tips for shifting your approach to playing & setting goals?
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4 Replies
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@KayMesser first of all, give yourself a “big win” for not giving up!! Perseverence is a great attribute to have. Secondly, another “big win” for reaching out for advice.
I would say to look at the definition of what makes a good goal. Goals need to be SMART, that is, Small, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and T?? I forgot what the T is for but if you get discouraged about not making your goals, then make some new goals that are more achievable. It sounds like you already did that, so nicely done!! Also a change of focus can provide a fresh perspective. I think you are already doing a great job of re-focusing and moving forward. And I believe that one day you WILL be able to play that song!!!
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Carol, I really appreciate the note. I believe the T is Time-bound from my past experience using SMART at work. It is helpful. I think I also can simply be less precious with my goals and not force practices around skills that I don’t see progressing. I like your tip on shifting to something different.
Cheers!
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@KayMesser Welcome back. That’s a huge win to be able to step away when necessary, but more importantly to return and not give up.
I’m not sure how long you’ve been playing or how often you play/practice, but your profile says you joined in 2022, so that’s still considered fairly new in guitar. Give yourself a much needed break from the should haves, and look at how much you’ve achieved since first picking up the guitar. I often do this when I’m feeling discouraged and feel I should be more proficient at playing already. I can see that I am improving and progressing at playing. I have to stop myself when I compare myself to others playing. We don’t know their situation. Are they still juggling work, family, other commitments, etc. How often are they able to pick up and play and practice during a day or week. Have they supplemented their TAC lessons with private guitar lessons (this is something I highly recommend you look consider). It’s funny, but usually when I’m the most frustrated that right around the corner is an aha moment or something clicks and all of a sudden I have a burst of improvement in something I had been struggling with. Those are fun moments. I’m not familiar with the song you mention, but maybe look for 2 or 3 chord songs by Googling or searching You Tube for lessons/tutorials for 2-3 chord songs.
Most of all, just take a breath and tell yourself that you’re right where you’re supposed to be at the moment – Be kind to yourself. And then keep moving forward and have fun learning new things on the guitar. It’s a difficult instrument to learn, but the learning gets easier the longer you play, and I guarantee that you’ll continue to progress if you keep playing.
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Loraine, thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful post. I picked up the guitar for the first time July 31st of last year. At the end of the month will be my first TAC anniversary.
I recently recorded a few videos of me playing. I didn’t do any recordings when I first started, but I think having videos to look back on to see how much I have progressed will be helpful. Sometimes it is hard to remember just how much I have learned and what skills I’ve developed.
Great advise for an instructor and in general around comparison.
Thank you!!!
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