TAC Family Forums

Share your wins, get unstuck, or see how others use the TAC Method to create a fulfilling guitar life!

  • What to do !!!

    Posted by JT1 on July 25, 2021 at 6:06 am

    Hello to the forum ! I am doing this because I know that someone can give me advice. I am Jeff I joined the group about a month ago. the first two weeks was so motivating. I have known my wife has stage four cancer and it is said to be terminal.Her body is rejecting the chemo and I have a front row seat to watch the woman I have loved for 33 years slowly fade away.I know this isn’t exactly guitar related but to me it is! I made her a promise to play and sing her a song for her. I know chords scales and all the bs we all do trying to teach our selves the guitar. in the past few weeks I have not had the time to practice because my wife has been so ill. I can not let her go without for-filling this promise. I feel guilty for spending time on guitar. I feel as if I should give her all my attention. I don’t know what to do. I do but then it feels like I am doing something wrong . I am broken because of this and people out there go through things the same as me ! I know I am being tested in a since ,but my choice will all-ways be her before myself. On the same hand I want to keep my promise to her ! I love the guitar just holding it the sound of the strings ringing out the chords and the challenge of it all. All I ever wanted for my self is to know this instrument ! the funny thing is the promise when I accomplish something I think of it as a step closer to the goal. I just don’ feel good about it in the current situation. thanks Jeff

    JT1 replied 3 years, 6 months ago 8 Members · 10 Replies
  • 10 Replies
  • albert_d

    Member
    July 25, 2021 at 7:28 am

    Chaplains are trained as care takers to remember that giving care is not a sprint. They are reminded that care givers also must practice physical and emotional self care so they can continue to minister effectively. Out of the fixed 24 hours, please remember to sleep, to eat well, and perhaps to recharge your emotional energy with 10 minutes on the guitar. But pick a simple, heartfelt song to fulfill your promise. My first songs were a single open chord or two with arpeggios and strums. I am sure, @JT1, the bride of your youth appreciates the heart in your song more than the technical execution of the piece.

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  albert_d.
  • Guy_H

    Member
    July 25, 2021 at 8:14 am

    @JT1 – first my sincere sympathy to you both. I would say you just need to be guided by your heart and it seems that it’s telling you that sharing a song with your wife is what is right. I agree with @albert_d choose something simple and meaningful to you. I’m certain that sharing a song as you promised you would will be a memory you can always treasure.

  • Marty73

    Member
    July 25, 2021 at 9:26 am

    My heart goes out to you and your wife @JT1 I agree with both Alvert and Guy. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just hold and love you wife… I will keep you both in my prays😥😥

  • Alisa

    Member
    July 25, 2021 at 10:09 am

    Jeff, I’m so sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through. It is heartbreaking. Perhaps your wife is asking you to learn the guitar to find solace in creating music, so you are doing something for yourself as well? In that sense, whether you spend your time taking care of her or learning the guitar, you are doing something for her. I lost my father to cancer, and watch him fade away was an extremely difficult time for our family, especially my mother. There was no way to get through it without being overwhelmed by sadness and guilt because whatever we did, it was not enough. The only thing that would be enough is to make him better, which wasn’t an option.

    It sounds to me like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to fulfill a promise in an already impossible situation. I think Albert’s advice is excellent: pick a simple, open chord song that you can sing with a simple, slow, down-stroke pattern. That will take the pressure off. If you like, you can send me a private message, and I will help you find a song.

    • Marty73

      Member
      July 25, 2021 at 11:36 am

      👍

  • Stan

    Member
    July 25, 2021 at 8:45 pm

    Jeff my heart go out to you and your wife and prayers for you both.

    Music can help relax the mind and body and may help your wife to sleep.

    I was in an accident a number of years ago my son would come in to ICU and play while I was in a coma. When he played I would stop being restless. And later when I was home healing he would play and I think I forgot about the pain while he was playing.

    Maybe you could spend a few minutes a day and let her hear you practice. If nothing else just strum a few chords. This may be a big help to you both. Music can do things that words can’t.

  • Bill_Brown

    Member
    July 26, 2021 at 9:25 am

    Hi @JT1 , my thoughts and prayers go out to the both of you🙏. I lost my son to leukemia and so I feel that I have an understanding of what you’re going through. May God help you find strength to perceiver.

    I wanted to say that I agree 100% with @Stan S’s suggestion, if the situation allows. If you’re able to bring your guitar to where your wife is, I believe it would be very fulfilling to both of you. You don’t have to even be able to play a song, just quietly strumming a few chords or a chord progression would be very beneficial. That way your wife will be able to hear you make music, and you’ll be there spending valuable time with her.

  • Crabby

    Member
    July 26, 2021 at 12:14 pm

    “I made her a promise to play and sing her a song for her.”

    Tell her you will fulfill your promise, because she will always be alive with you in your heart. ❤ 🙏

  • JT1

    Member
    July 27, 2021 at 12:04 pm

    I want to thank you you all for your feed back and I am holding back the emotion of all this I am very touched that you folks understand that This is very real for me and sometimes all you need is a-little push thank you and so much respect and love goes out to you all

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