My biggest "should'a" so far

[N-lightMike]

Let’s get this straight, @mcarlson_sb , it’s not simply ok to practice. You have a God given right to enjoy your life your way… as long as you consider other people.

However, a child doesn’t know how to apply the principle of being considerate of other people. So obviously, you needed an adult to help you out. You made it very clear what kind of “help” you received when you said:

“It was drilled into me as a child that listening to a beginner practice an instrument was an awful experience. That yes, I should practice but I need to find a way not to be heard. And.Not.To.Bother.People.”

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT: THIS IS CHILD ABUSE. IF YOUR PARENT OR PARENTS ARE STILL ALIVE, YOU SHOULD TELL THEM HOW WRONG THEY WERE.

This was never supposed to be on you. It was up to your parents to find a solution to this problem. They were not supportive of you and your God given desire to cultivate your musical creativity.

LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT: NOW THAT YOU’RE AN ADULT, IT’S ON YOU!

That doesn’t make it easy to overcome such thoughts. These “guiding principles” that are encoded in childhood are difficult to see and even harder to re-write. My suggestion is affirmations. Say, over and over, “I am allowed to practice my music”. Or write it down a hundred times. Write it on the mirror you look into every morning. Write a song about it. But then you might want to add a few more ideas.

1st, some people are supportive. Some people are supportive but work graveyard, or have to get up early, or are trying to finish a report, etc. Ok, you need to make sure you are not being inconsiderate to those who are supportive but have special needs at a given time and place.

2nd, some people are not supportive. We may think of them as musical grinches, but they have the right to be that way. So, again, give them the space they require.

3rd, you have the right to cultivate this ability, music, that was given to you by your creator. Play. Practice. Record. Play in front of others as often as you can. Experiment with playing for others who want to hear. Experiment with playing for others who DON’T want to hear.

Here are some suggestions:

1) Go into a music store and pick up a guitar. Then make noise, as much as you can bring yourself to make. No, not something you have learned that sounds good. Try your best to be obnoxious. I’m dead serious. And watch the people around you to see their reactions. No matter how obnoxious you manage to be, some people will still be supportive. That’s how you learn it’s NOT YOU, BUT THEM, when people are being musical grinches.

2) Go to justmusicgeeks.com to request to join. When you do, get on the forum and find the calendar listings of Virtual Open Mics and join one to watch. At some point, play for the people there. They will all be supportive no matter what you can do or how many mistakes you make or how nervous you are.

3) Go to a live Open Mic in your area or find a Jam Group in your area and join in. You can go to observe at first without playing. Pretty much everyone there will totally understand your initial qualms about playing in front of others as this is so universal.

Let us know how your progress goes.

MG 😀

[N-lightMike]

Hello again, Matthew @mcarlson_sb .

I went to your profile page and found this:

“I want to learn to play music.

I’ve tried before but it the practice pieces never SOUND like music. They sound rough and painful or incomplete.

The closest I’ve come to fun is being able to play some basic finger style rifs”

It seems to me your practice sounds rough and painful is because of “self fulfilling prophecy”. You were told as a child that you sound terrible and you believed that. So, you are making it true.

As I said in my first post, your biggest obstacle now is your own thoughts and feelings. I made the suggestion to use affirmations. I stick with that. However, I want to add something else.

You need to be TOTALLY OK WITH SOUNDING TERRIBLE. You, Matthew. You need to be totally ok with your own sound even if it’s “rough and painful or incomplete”. In fact, you need to LOVE YOUR OWN SOUND, no matter what it is.

Also, you need to learn that others can be totally ok with your sounding terrible. You said your wife is wonderful and supportive and likes to listen to you practice. So, talk to her and find out why. Is it because she knows that everyone starts out not sounding very good and she’s ok with that? Or is it because you are ACTUALLY WRONG about sounding terrible? This problem could be easier to overcome if you are misjudging your playing and practicing. Now, I think that’s very possible given what you were told as a child.

I want to repeat what I said: What you were told as a child regarding practicing music was CHILD ABUSE. I am not kidding or exaggerating. The problem now is that you are perpetuating this abuse. Learn to love and comfort your “inner child”. Again, I’m not kidding or exaggerating. You need to stop this abuse you have suffered for so long.

Is this easy? No! I have had my own struggles with abusive self doubts. I have come a long way but I am taking your issue so personally because I still have more to go in dealing with “unfair” self thoughts.

MG 😀

[mcarlson_sb]

Thank you MG!

I did a thing. Recorded myself and posted it in the Play For Us channel.

I hope other people who have similar hangups about being seen/heard listen to your encouragement also.

[N-lightMike]

That’s awesome, @mcarlson_sb . That’s a great step. I wanted to say first step, but you’ve already taken a number of steps. You have a guitar. You joined TAC. You reached out to the community through the forum. There may well be quite a few other steps. So you are walking the road of your guitar journey. It’s started and you are moving forward. Your way beyond your “first” step, you are progressing down the road. Time to give yourself some congratulations for all these wins.

MG 😀

[Loraine]

You did the right thing by just moving forward and recording yourself 3 weeks in @mcarlson_sb . Now you have a starting point to reflect back on as you continue to grow.

[Kitman]

It is great that you recorded yourself @mcarlson_sb . This lets you compare your progress objectively it is also a great as tool for watching how you are playing (fretting hand technique, picking technique, posture holding the guitar, etc.).

[KayMesser]

I also really regret not filming my first days, weeks, and months. I’m about 5 months into picking up the guitar and really do need to film myself – just as a reminder of where I started. Tomorrow, I’ll record a video just for myself. Thanks for sharing and keep playing & practicing!