Tony’s Acoustic Challenge – The New Way to Learn Guitar › Family Forums › Small Wins › Reaching for Balance
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Reaching for Balance
Posted by Michelle-PSL on April 30, 2021 at 7:02 pmMy husband complained that I am obsessed with guitars. And maybe he’s right. But I turned 63 a few days ago, and I’ve been playing for less than a year, and feel like I missed out on so much time, and I need to catch up.
BUT – I have decided to limit my playing, and spend a maximum of 2 hours playing/practicing on weeknights, and 3 hours on weekend days. And tonight I’m actually watching TV!
I guess it’s a small win … even though I’d rather be playing guitar. 😁 🎵
Michelle-PSL replied 3 years, 9 months ago 14 Members · 34 Replies -
34 Replies
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Hi @Michelle-PSL , maybe you are priming the pump. Absence makes the heart grow fonder?? I say, buy a guitar for your husband and throw out the TV. I was so good,but I just couldn’t help myself. 🤣
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Would if I could @jumpin’jeff ! My husband used to play guitar when he was younger. He was even in a band! But now he’s afraid of painful fingertips and won’t pick it up again. ☹
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Even the time you’re still permitting yourself to play sounds like a lot, especially with working full time, a husband, a household, etc. But, the lesser time does sound more realistic and healthy. Keep at it!
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I really would not watch much TV, except for it being family time. I’m moderately ADD, so I tend to immerse myself in something in which I am interested (in this case, guitar) and only half pay attention to everything else.
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I understand @TX_DonH ! Same here! Although I will binge watch a series once in a while. But sometimes you just have to keep peace…😇
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Michelle:
Balance is always a good thing. Have him check out a Theremin and he can play along! Look ma, no hands! I have a lot of ukulele playing friends and the good thing about a uke is it has very forgiving nylon strings. He might like and join in. Now you can chuck the TV.
Jeff
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Thanks for the tips @J.Humble ! I have many ukes, but he is not tempted to play them. I offered to buy him a nylon string guitar – no takers there. And that would be a win-win because I have my eye on a Taylor Academy nylon. 😉
I checked out the Theremin. WOW! What a super cool instrument! But the key (according to what I’ve just read/heard) is that it takes practice. And my hubby is not too keen on having to practice anything. Unfortunately, he is in true R&R retirement mode…😎
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Well, I’m sorry to hear this Michelle.
Let’s start with what your husband said, I don’t think he said what he meant. I think he misses spending time with you and didn’t say it. That’s too bad, that he thinks he has to talk you into something instead of being honest with you.
Second, it’s not balance if you didn’t think of it and want it. It’s coercion, not the same thing. That sad part is, you will slow down naturally, and that’s how you will find your balance. But being forced to his choice of R&R retirement (doing nothing while I die) won’t help you find balance.
That’s my 2 cents. I hope I haven’t offended you.
MG 😀
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No @Mike-Gaurnier , I’m not offended at all. I agree with you 100%! I could care less about TV or restaurants or going for drives or anything else. All I want to do is play guitar. All my husband wants to do is ANYTHING that has nothing to do with guitar. I think that, in a way, he is jealous of my passion for guitar. I recognize that.
BUT I like peace in my home. So I allow myself to be coerced…😌
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Yeah, no question, we need compromise to have peace. Speaking of that, I just love @Maydog ‘s advice. I, too, have been giving up the VOMs more often because my wife likes spending time with me. And that’s way cool. We don’t quit guitar, we just change our schedule a bit. At times, I spend more time on guitar. At other times, I spend less time on guitar. That’s not a bad thing.
I know you will continue to play guitar and make advancement and entertain us with your songs.
MG 😀
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Yes, I have been participating in fewer VOMs in lieu of spending time with my husband. That doesn’t take away from my personal playing/practicing. It’s a compromise I can easily make. 🙂
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I do spend a lot of time playing guitar, but when my wife wants me to spend some time with her, I do it. I would hate it if I made her feel like my guitar playing was more important than spending time with her. I’m lucky in that it doesn’t have to be either-or. I can play guitar and I can spend time with my wife. I’m also lucky that after 16 years, I really love my wife’s company. There are occasions where I want to be playing guitar and my wife wants to do something different with me. Friday nights for example. She likes to watch a movie with me, and I would like to be participating in the Friday night VOM. But I watch a movie with her and never mention the VOM. I never made a vow to love, honor, and cherish my guitars, but I did make that vow to my wife. I do cherish my guitars, but she’s number one!😃 Anyway, my advice is to first make sure hubby knows he is number one, then work in your guitar time when you can.
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Well said @Maydog , and I think it’s wonderful that you have such a beautiful relationship and respect after 16 years. The guitar will always forgive us, and it’s not going anywhere.
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“The guitar will always forgive us, and it’s not going anywhere.”
That’s a really powerful statement, Loraine. I know I spend way more time on playing guitar than most people, and perhaps more than is healthy, since I am not the best at interacting with family. I do have a very understanding wife who encourages me to play, since she knows how good it is for my spirit. Fortunately we still do a lot of things together: dinners, music, bottles of wine, nights out, sitting on the back deck, occasional hikes or bike rides etc. I’m especially lucky that we have similar, broad tastes in music.
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You are absolutely correct @Maydog ! Personal relationships are certainly much more important. It’s win-win to be able to have both in my life!🌝
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Hi @Michelle-PSL , I’ve been married for 37 happy years. I’m retired, but my wife is still working – so when she comes home I try to spend as much time as I can with her. So perhaps Hubby is lonely and can’t wait for you to come home (I’m assuming you are still working). And maybe once you’re retired, he’ll be looking for more time to have for himself – giving you the time you want for guitar! Strange how that works – always wanting something you can’t have – until you have it.
But for now, I think having peace is a good thing🤩
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
Bill_Brown.
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Congratulations on 37 years @Bill_Brown ! We will just be hitting 15 years next February. I appreciate the advice, and like @dr_dave , I’m probably spending a little more time playing guitar than is healthy. So, I’m happy to take a break and enjoy my husband’s company.😊
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Yes @Michelle-PSL , as @MommaTAC says, it can be “tricky”. Just know That that if Hubby wants to spend time with you – it means that he loves you – how ever he’s showing it – he does. Don’t take for granted – life is too short – I found that out the hard way
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What my break from playing for several years taught me. Even though I was worried I would forget what I learned, I didn’t. It actually settled in and I found playing a little easier. There’s a blessing in doing what is needed. Only you can decide. 😍
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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It is a tricky balancing act. When I was working and Dom was already retired, he would be playing all day and then join me in the evening. I kept listening to him though and decided that I wanted to learn as well. When I was laid off, I started to learn and now that we are both retired, we are so busy both of us have some trouble finding time to play. I wish I could devote hours but for now, we continue to do what we did before. Play in the day and hang with each other in the evening. If you are only a year or so into learning, you will find what works best for both of you.
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@Michelle-PSL, First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I do know what you’re saying. And you are right to spend time with your husband – maybe equal time – I don’t always spend those hours playing the guitar as I do some prep work and study the material, making notes for fingering new runs, chords etc. That way I can be available in the same room as my husband who reads with the tv on, but I’m not playing the guitar.
I usually announce my practice time or VOM time and he’s ok with that. I slowed down as well, attending probably 2 VOMs weekly. If he’s gone somewhere, I’ll log onto the Zoom. Otherwise, I love peace and harmony and like you, I’ve missed so many years of opportunity to grow musically. Now is my time. But I want to be diplomatic about it all.-
Thanks for the insight into how you find balance @Marquita . I cannot be in the same room with my husband, who is partly deaf. During his working days at the Bethlehem Steel, a motor backfired in his ear. Of course worker’s comp back then wasn’t what it is now, and so he just lost part of his hearing and that was that.
He never got a hearing aid and does not want one – thinks he’ll look old. 😨 So that means everything is blasted. I can barely stand watching TV with him let alone doing anything with guitar. And all he does is watch TV. So you are lucky to be able to do prep work etc. Our together time is usually spent outside of the house.
Today we picked up his brother went for a drive and got a bite to eat. 🚙
Suffice it to say it was an adventure! 😬 I chauffeured and they argued! One big happy family – LOL! At least he is content.
So glad to be back home with my guitars and my glass of wine!😜🍷
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I am a firm believer, @Michelle-PSL, that “Balance” is what you accomplish at the instant before you fall of the log. Careful, it is just as scary as picking up a guitar for the first time.
Oh, and as for fear of painful fingers, when I restarted this last time (2 plus years ago now) I had forgotten about caluses and how they are formed, and it was the progress on that front that actually got be revved up to play more. So, during you balance time, maybe he would listen and pick up the electric to accompany you on something he would like yo to play? (Worked for my daughter when she visited to get her to apply her lovely singing voice.)
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That’s Awesome! I will turn 57 in a month and really just picked up the guitar for the first time 47 days ago! Loving it and having a blast. Changed my first set of strings this morning and had a few scares even though I did everything just like Tony did in his video…but it wasn’t anything and the guitar sounds fine. Now if I can get the player in me to be better than I am today which is better than I was a month ago :).
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Hey @Terry6422000 ! Congratulations! You should post your successful first string change in your own Small Wins (“Start New Discussion” button). Welcome to TAC and good going on your first 47 days! Add a zero to the end of that, you you’ll be amazed at your progress on your 470th day!
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